‘On the front cover of this book are some kids on a beach, looking down among the rocks on the shore, intent in their pursuit of finding something. What they’re trying to find with such intensity on this day, I’m not sure of. From their well-kept dress, the location, and their ability to be so carefree - I am assuming they are not alone. Somewhere outside of this photograph is most likely a dad and a mom, maybe a grandparent or two as well, watching over their growth and maturity with care. If this is not the case it should be. And though they may not know it, there is a Father above that loves them with a fierce love too. Teenagers, kids, society and families - they all are part of my inspiration for writing this.

I want to pull an excerpt from a profound and insightful book that was written on the effects of divorce. The author writes:

“Two faulty beliefs provide the foundation for our current attitudes toward divorce. The first holds that if the parents are happier the children will be happier, too. Even if the children are distressed by the divorce, the crisis will be transient because the children are resilient and resourceful and will soon recover. A second myth is based on the premise that divorce is a temporary crisis that exerts its most harmful effects on parents and children at the time of the breakup. The belief that the crisis is temporary underlies the notion that if acceptable legal arrangements for custody, visiting, and child support are made at the time of the divorce and parents are provided with a few lectures, the child will soon be fine. It is a view we have fervently embraced and continue to hold. But it’s misguided.

Adult children of divorce are telling us loud and clear their parent’s anger at the time of the breakup is not what matters most . . . It’s the many years of living in a post-divorce or remarried family that count; . . . It’s feeling sad, lonely, and angry during childhood. It’s traveling on planes alone when you’re seven to visit your parent. It’s having no choice about how you spend your time and feeling like a second-class citizen compared with your friends in intact families who have some say about how they spend their weekends and their vacations. It’s wondering whether you will have any financial help for college from your college-educated father, given that he has no legal obligation to pay. it’s worrying about your mom and dad for years - will her new boyfriend stick around, will his new wife welcome you into her home? It’s reaching adulthood with with acute anxiety. Will you ever find a faithful woman to love you? Will you find a man you can trust? Or will your relationships fail just like your parents did? And most tellingly, it’s asking if you can protect your own child from having these same experiences in growing up.

Not one of the men or women from divorced families whose lives I report on in this book wanted their children to repeat their childhood experiences. Not one ever said, “I want my children to live in two nests - or even two villas.” They envied friends who grew up in intact families. Their entire life stories belie the myths we’ve embraced.”

So these aren’t just teenagers or kids, whether they are yours or mine. These children represent the reason why we should consider options that return us to commitment - not to call it quits and walk away. Even if you don’t have young ones yet, or never will, still there is a tight bond to marriage that shouldn’t be broken. It is to this hopeful end of a lasting marriage that I ultimately want to guide us all, in the best way that I know how.’

— The Forgotten Option / The Front Cover