An idealistic view of life and how relationships ought to be can hurt a marriage - setting expectations that are not realistic or achievable. I’ve read marriage books that seem to make you to feel that if your home life is not ideal, even perfect, then you are not experiencing what your marriage should be giving you. Instead of encouragement, it leaves a dissatisfaction within us unless this highest model of marriage bliss called out by the author is met. But is this the truth about how marriage is, or ought be? Do these expectations help or hinder?
I was privileged as a teenager one summer to see the marriage of my Uncle Bill & Aunt Rose up close. They were both people of great character and they met with struggles - but they loved being with one another. Theirs wasn’t a fairy tale type of marriage, but it was good. I have also been privileged to see couples that defined the unwanted parts of the vows “. . for worse, . . . for poorer, . . . in sickness, . . . ‘till death did part them. . .” It was how they kept their commitment also that inspired me.
So rather than just the ideal version of marriage, I sometimes challenge couples to ask themselves how far would they go in the difficult direction of marriage also? It’s not promises of roses and soft petals, but it is the challenge of how much you love your spouse in any situation. It’s wanting to see love for a spouse, family and marriage when others would have bailed ship.
I don’t think marriage has to be an ideal situation, because most things in life are not. There are unseen others around you that are hurting and could use a living example. Know that you can be an inspiration to others in life because you walked it out to the end - regardless of how smooth or rough the road was on your journey.
